Delving deep into the soul is not for the faint of heart. No, it takes the strength of armies of men and still reigning in those feelings and sorting them categorically feels like a death-defying act. I have made many attempts with immediate withdrawal because the pain was unbearable-that was until recently.
This attempt has been my longest lasting and most intense journey into my being that I have ever made. Not only has it required me to speak out loud about the feelings, but this journey has brought me back to putting words on paper. My consciousness is screaming to write it down. Unfortunately, the trip is catching me into some old habits, which only means there is more work to do. My willingness to finish this trip out is the difference between knowing there will be an end in sight versus raising my fists in the despair of quitting.
Currently the road is full of ruts, forks, and an occasional dead end. Often,
I feel like I am alone, but there is always a shoulder to lean on, even in the times I choose to ignore that support. On the days when the only utterances from my mouth are negative, there are people that build me up and remind me of who I am, even when I can’t believe it. They won’t engage in the negative and I step back, take a deep breath. I am not there yet.
My soul is deep, and dark, but there is a glimmer of light. I may not have the strength of many men, but I am not afraid of the dark. I will come out alive. -SMW
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